Recently I have had the displeasure of fighting an illness that really took me out of "myself". I found myself unable to eat, losing weight (with an already slender figure), unable to sit up by myself at times and losing interest in all the things that I once found pleasure in. I hadn't really been outside in a few days and not only was my physical body beginning to become weary but my spirit had taken a severe negative effect. I begin to have depressed thoughts as the idea of ever being able to enjoy my life again seemed farther and father away. The worst times were the times to take the medication. I would literally be scarred and it seemed like at times I didn't know the difference between being sleep and awake. The hardest thing to do was to look in the mirror not just because I looked a physical mess but because there was something visibly missing from my eyes. They had no life anymore and the look of pity people gave me reminded me of my dreadful reflection. There are many times I lay there feeling like the room was spinning asking God to have mercy on me and let me die. I had no pride anymore an the illness that I had once felt like I had under control had at it's mercy.
I remember being in the shower and not being able to hold myself up anymore. I leaned against the shower wall and began to pray and ask God to for the sweet relief of death. The doctors had no answers and it really seemed like this was how the rest of my life was going to be so why not end it here? It's funny how circumstances like this can make death seem so welcoming.
As I prayed to die I began singing a song that I always hear in church "When I see Jesus". The words felt so good because I wanted to die and see Jesus more than anything but as I began to sing and tears poured down my face I heard God speak. He didn't get loud or hype and seemed so unfazed by my ridiculous tantrum. Just as calm as He pleased he whispered Isaiah 55:11
"So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it."
And I began to remember the promises that God made over my life. I began to remember being diagnosed and God telling me not to be afraid because he had factored this into His plan and that He didn't change his mind. So I pulled it together and I took the medicine and I got sick. And I took it the next day. And I got sick.Until my doctors pulled my off the medication and I began to get better. It happened so fast. And I have so much life in me.
I never realized how much we take for granted the little things like being able to sit up at a table and eat or even having an appetite. Being able to decide to get dressed and just doing it! being able to walk outside without holding on to anyone and not just breathe the fresh air but to have an awareness that you are outside. And even though that was the hardest thing I ever had to endure and by far the most frightful and lonely time I can recall, I thank God for the experience.
Many people I know need money and parties, alcohol, drugs and sex to enjoy life but me.....I am thrilled to just sit here in this chair and type on a computer that a few days ago I could not sit in front of.
In the end when all what seems to be "fun" fades away. All that matters is that God is pleased with your life...and trust me you don't want to learn that lesson the hard way!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Friday, December 26, 2008
Charles Darwin and Evolution
Charles Darwin is best known for his theories on Evolution which is probably the most controversial issues ever argued between scientist and religious bodies. What interested me, however, was the rumors that have been circulating for years that he had recanted his theory and accepted the account of creation outlined in the book of Genesis. Apparently Mr. Darwin had converted on his deathbed and recanted (and regretted) the claims his "evolution theory" made.
So of course I had to do a little research....
And it isn't true!
What really happened was this:
A woman by the name of Lady Hope claims to have visited Darwin about a year before his death. She claims that when she walked into his room she found a bedridden Mr. Darwin reading the book of Hebrews and when she mentioned Genesis he asked her to come the next day and speak to him and other residents about the Bible's account of creation. Other stories of Darwin's conversion and recant circulated only a month after his death and appeared in many sermons, however Mr. Darwin's family has denied all such rumors. Darwin's daughter had the following to say:
"I was present at his deathbed. Lady Hope was not present during his last illness, or any illness. I believe he never even saw her, but in any case she had no influence over him in any department of thought or belief. He never recanted any of his scientific views, either then or earlier… The whole story has no foundation whatever."
Researchers have concluded that Lady Hope did indeed exist but there were so many inconsistencies with her story, for example the fact that when she visited him six months before his death that he wasn't even bedridden, that it is safe to assume that all accusations of a recant are either fabricated of presumed.
With that being said, I feel we don't really need Mr.Darwin to recant such a ridiculous theory. I mean really, the man believe that we originated as some type of water creature that traveled onto land and evolved into something else that lead us all the way to present man.
Let me put my faith aside and view this as a person with logic:
- Nothing that lives in water and breathes solely underwater has ever been able to survive outside of the water long enough to evolve into something else.
- If humans followed this path out of the water to evolve then why hasn't any other creature followed this same path.
- There is just as much scientific proof of this theory as there is to support the theory that in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, and then created man in his own image.
My main reason for addressing this overall was because I want us (Christians) to stop making false accusations concerning Mr.Darwin. After all given the "premises" presented in his theory do we really need to fabricate a recant to make them sound absurd?
Eartha Kitt: Another Legend Lost
Eartha Kitt, who rose from the Southern cotton fields to captivate audiences around the world with sultry performances as a singer, dancer and actress, died on Thursday at the age of 81.
Kitt died of colon cancer for which she was recently treated at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in New York, said Andrew Freedman, a long-time friend and publicist.
Kitt died of colon cancer for which she was recently treated at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in New York, said Andrew Freedman, a long-time friend and publicist.
Many people do not realize it but Ms. Kitt was America's first African American sex symbol (along with Lena Horne).
May she rest in peace and her legacy be forever cherished.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Holiday Misconception
In studying the origins of Christmas and learning of the woks of the late Saint Nicholas I cannot help but wonder when did Christmas become a religious or a "sacred" holiday. It seems that the Holiday has always been pagan and the concepts associated with Christmas seem to be based on misconceptions people who don't read the bible make concerning Christian principles.
For example, Jesus was never a baby in the manger! The bible teaches that Jesus was the manifestation of God in the flesh, he was not Mary actual child (see Matthew 1:23). That is why he had to tell that sister that he had to be about his "father's business" because Joseph was not his daddy. Even in the manger he was still God because he transcends time (see John 1:1,14).
Secondly in keeping with John 1:1,14 we understand Christmas nor any other day was or is Jesus birthday. He is Alpha and Omega and before the earth was formed he dwelt in the deep.
Third, Jesus did not come to bring peace on earth; he came to bring Salvation. He came because we were in sin and had to continually sacrifice animals blood for the atonement of our sins and so He came himself to pay the ultimate price. He came so that we cold serve a God that we knew understood us because he had become one of us (Heb. 4:15). The mission wasn't to bring us together under a tree but it was to die on a tree and so that we would only ave to but confess our sins and accept salvation. So that we could be adopted into his royal priesthood although we were bastards.
Well I am gong to stop there because I could go on for days but it baffles me how people can really think they are doing something wonderful by applying all of our carnal ways to a spiritual being.
For example, Jesus was never a baby in the manger! The bible teaches that Jesus was the manifestation of God in the flesh, he was not Mary actual child (see Matthew 1:23). That is why he had to tell that sister that he had to be about his "father's business" because Joseph was not his daddy. Even in the manger he was still God because he transcends time (see John 1:1,14).
Secondly in keeping with John 1:1,14 we understand Christmas nor any other day was or is Jesus birthday. He is Alpha and Omega and before the earth was formed he dwelt in the deep.
Third, Jesus did not come to bring peace on earth; he came to bring Salvation. He came because we were in sin and had to continually sacrifice animals blood for the atonement of our sins and so He came himself to pay the ultimate price. He came so that we cold serve a God that we knew understood us because he had become one of us (Heb. 4:15). The mission wasn't to bring us together under a tree but it was to die on a tree and so that we would only ave to but confess our sins and accept salvation. So that we could be adopted into his royal priesthood although we were bastards.
Well I am gong to stop there because I could go on for days but it baffles me how people can really think they are doing something wonderful by applying all of our carnal ways to a spiritual being.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Losing Yourself
During the course of any mature relationship (whether it is of a platonic natural or not) causes a person to give something of themselves as an investment towards that relationship. Subsequently, every time a relationship ends we loose a piece of ourselves that it seems we never can get back. The problem lies in the fact that we can allow ourselves to be so fearful of loosing another piece of ourselves that we hold on to seasonal and sometimes unhealthy relationships just to avoid this loss.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Resistance v. Rebellious
Yesterday in conversation someone shared with me that as of late they have been experiencing a resistance to some of the things God was calling them to do. As the person spoke I began to realize that many times we mistake a hesitance to do the will of God (or to answer a call on our lives) as a rebellious spirit when in fact it is merely a sign of the reverence we have for God. For example if God calls you to preach and speak a word unto the nations and you immediate response is to get all happy and start trying to preach every chance you get to testify or to speak than chances are you haven't yet realized the seriousness of the portion of ministry God has given you. When you realize that not only with greater gifts and callings there comes greater responsibilities and to whom much is given much is required than you tend to calm down. Your approach is slower because you realize that souls are at stake and you don't want to do anything that would jeopardize God's plan. You also realize that the more effective you are for God the more the enemy (the Devil) will try to attack you. Even in the bible you see how the lives of the prophets and other men (and women) of God were full of suffering. Because they that will live holy shall suffer persecution. And I believe it is natural when understanding that ministry is not about grandstanding but it is about service and suffering, for the flesh to resist. Who wants to suffer? But does it mean your rebellious? Certainly not. Just remember to do the will of God despite of what you feel, because when God has a will for something it's going to be done the hard way or the easy way. But you can ask Brother Jonas about that!
Growing Up....In God?
The Webster Dictionary defines the "sanctum" as being a place where one is free from intrusion; a sacred place. The Latin phrase "sanctum sanctorium" literally translates to mean "Holy of Holies".
Although the "Sanctum" is not longer a physical place it can be reached through prayer. It is that place in prayer where we are no longer concerned with saying the right things and trying to impress God and become vulnerable only to him. It is that place where we don't really need to speak but all we want to do is listen and hear what God says and if he is silent we are content with just feeling his presence. The "Sanctum" is a place of safety and it is a place of security in God.
And when we get hurt or something is wrong, just like a child clinging to their parents waist we cling to the apron strings of God. We hold on to "Dad" because we know that's the only guarantee for security that we have. But at some point (and this is where we mess up) you have to learn to come out!
Move -in days at any college campus are always full of emotional parents who are dropping off their children and expecting them to come back greater than when they left them. They have provided the covering over their children long enough for them to gain all the skills necessary to achieve greatness and now they are expecting a return on their investment. Will they no longer need their parents? Of course they will!!! And probably will always turn to them when things become too much for the rest of their lives! But now it is time to take all the strength and knowledge gained while being protected from the trials of life and go out an become lawyers, doctors, nurses, teachers, etc.
In similar fashion God has been our covering. He has been the protection from dealing with the full attacks of Satan and having to face our hurts, pains and disappointments alone and now God is expecting us to go out and complete the purpose he has for our lives. He needs us to grow up and come from behind him and take all the strength gathered during our infancy and toddler stages and face this thing. Do we longer need him? Of course we will and he will be there as the covering but on order for us to carry the portion of the ministry that God has given each of us individually than we are going to have to learn how to face trials and tribulation. We have to increase the level of burdens we can bear.
If Job had never been exposed to the attacks of the enemy he would have never grown to the place in God he reached. And rest assured just like Job we will have growing pains but we have to trust that God is a good parent and has raised us with the ability to accomplish his will and our destiny.
Although the "Sanctum" is not longer a physical place it can be reached through prayer. It is that place in prayer where we are no longer concerned with saying the right things and trying to impress God and become vulnerable only to him. It is that place where we don't really need to speak but all we want to do is listen and hear what God says and if he is silent we are content with just feeling his presence. The "Sanctum" is a place of safety and it is a place of security in God.
And when we get hurt or something is wrong, just like a child clinging to their parents waist we cling to the apron strings of God. We hold on to "Dad" because we know that's the only guarantee for security that we have. But at some point (and this is where we mess up) you have to learn to come out!
Move -in days at any college campus are always full of emotional parents who are dropping off their children and expecting them to come back greater than when they left them. They have provided the covering over their children long enough for them to gain all the skills necessary to achieve greatness and now they are expecting a return on their investment. Will they no longer need their parents? Of course they will!!! And probably will always turn to them when things become too much for the rest of their lives! But now it is time to take all the strength and knowledge gained while being protected from the trials of life and go out an become lawyers, doctors, nurses, teachers, etc.
In similar fashion God has been our covering. He has been the protection from dealing with the full attacks of Satan and having to face our hurts, pains and disappointments alone and now God is expecting us to go out and complete the purpose he has for our lives. He needs us to grow up and come from behind him and take all the strength gathered during our infancy and toddler stages and face this thing. Do we longer need him? Of course we will and he will be there as the covering but on order for us to carry the portion of the ministry that God has given each of us individually than we are going to have to learn how to face trials and tribulation. We have to increase the level of burdens we can bear.
If Job had never been exposed to the attacks of the enemy he would have never grown to the place in God he reached. And rest assured just like Job we will have growing pains but we have to trust that God is a good parent and has raised us with the ability to accomplish his will and our destiny.
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